from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
