woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
