I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
