Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
