WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
