Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
