Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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