time to smoke my breakfast
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
