Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
