Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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