I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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