just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
