the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
