Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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