honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
