oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
