I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
pray to the hookup gods
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
