i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
