i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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