I puked a lego.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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