My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
