Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
