I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
