Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
