My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
