I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
