I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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