dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
