I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
