I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
