Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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