twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
