So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
