I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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