My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
