dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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