I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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