I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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