I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
