Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Boobs are out for the taking
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Randomize
