I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
