The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
as a side note pls kill me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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