So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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