How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
