nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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