Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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