My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
