she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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