We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
