you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
